This is an extract from an American newspaper from 2027, during WW3, two weeks after Qatari documents including proof Netanjahu converted to Islam in 2018 were leaked to the general public.
Purple Resistance Overthrows Israeli Government
Israel—After fourteen days of nation-wide protests, road-blocking, and other illegal activites committed as part of its ‘no economy, no state’ strategy, the Israeli purple resistance famously considered by High President Trump to be ‘practically Nazis’ and ‘Jewish self-haters’ seize Jerusalem, with Prime Minister Netanjahu taken hostage by the terrorists who claimed he was ‘attempting to escape to the United States’. His wellbeing is currently unknown. The purple resistance has formed a transitionary government and declared the United States of America as an ‘enemy state’. The White House has announced that ‘we will not abandon our allies. Will not abandon. The Israeli government-in-exile is welcome to Washington, D.C. until this frankly pointless attempt to harm western superiority ends’. Rumors considered misinformation by the Department of Government Efficiency claim the transitionary government replied with only four words, ‘ever heard of NATO?’
The new ‘government’ (according to the Department of Lingustic & Racial Research, the word ‘tribe’ is most appropiate) has already began its reforms of evil; An ‘Israeli-Palestinian confederation’ was announced, a form of barbarity claiming to ‘provide every citizen of the Nations of Israel and Palestine equal rights and opportunites in a shared society’ (the disgust!). It is truly, to quote the High President, ‘a most disgusting affair’.
State of Gaza Expelled from the Levant; Soldiers Mysteriously Gone
Gaza—An ‘intrusive and traitorous’ offensive, as called by High Inquisitor Elon Musk this evening, was committed by indigineous Palestinians with alleged ties to the Palestinian Authority, supposedly in cooperation with the purple resistance.
The State of Gaza was ‘completely and utterly expelled from the Levant’ said Department of War experts, ‘as part of a European attempt to steal lands that rightfully and legally belong to the United States of America’. This publication has managed to find no evidence as to what happened to the American troops stationed at the area, and denies any so-called evidence to the possibility they have been ordered to suicide; ‘it is as if God himself collected them to the heavens’, said the High Inquistor.
Opinion: ‘Peace in the Middle East’, claim Europeans
Europe—As part of Europe’s attempt of becoming ‘great again’ (as if Europe ever was great), copying anything remotely American whenever possible, Dutch newspapers have today declared that ‘Endlich ist Frieden im Nahen Osten eingekehrt’, or in denazified American, ‘Peace in the Middle East, at last!’, claimed the warmongerers (oh, the irony) – as part of their truth-bending ritual of ‘Wochenzeitung’, this brainwashed once-great people celebrate the purple resistance, claiming that this band of nosed slugs, the lowest of the low, are related to Dutchland’s own Die Linke! How can a Jew and an Arab have anything to do with (admittedly, corrupted beyond repair) people of pure Arian descent? The Europeans have clearly risen to new levels of propganda with this one, and that’s not an easy thing to say when it comes to Europeans.
Europeans Steal the Internet
Online-Even after High President Trump’s ban on European social media, widely known to ‘infect the minds of young Americans’, ‘spread the cult of the devil’, and ‘misuse American inventions and infrastracture for their own nefarious goals’, Europeans still find ways to abuse the invention most widely known to be American, the Internet.
The coup in Israel has resulted in not one, but two violations of the Internet is American Nationalization Act; The purple resistance has attempted causing massive damages to the Iron Dome and other other infrastracture originally developed by Americans for Israel,trespassing American intellectual, physical, and networktual property. The Department of Government Efficiency has assured this publication no harm was done, as the cyberattack was mitigated in time, and that ‘any rumors claiming otherwise are basically Zionist propaganda’.
And if this was not enough, there’s also the second violation – an illegal domain name registration! The Europeans have infiltrated into the DNS ecosystem (that was not secured by DoGE; the High President has signed an executive order to fix this issue) and created a ‘.ip’ domain, allowing them to create a website for this ‘confederation’ thing of theirs, www.gov.ip! Rest assured, our patriotic DoGE employees have pre-emptively blocked this filth in all American states, territories, and colonies, keeping our children safe from foreign aliens.